


(Please Pay) Attention

by kyanide



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, caring kankri, h/c, hurt cronus, ill die for these boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:48:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22977151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyanide/pseuds/kyanide
Summary: It was almost as if he had crafted this persona to surround himself so he didn’t have to show who he really was at any given moment.
Relationships: Cronus Ampora & Kankri Vantas, Cronus Ampora/Kankri Vantas, pale cronkri if you squint
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	(Please Pay) Attention

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretending Cronus's hive isn't under the ocean for this one, just play along.

There was always something so surrealy fake about Cronus and Kankri was never sure if anyone else had ever noticed. He boasted about things that everyone knew wasn’t true, he smiled even when he was the very center of ridicule, he flirted with virtually everyone and never expressed an actual preference of one person over the other. It was almost as if he had crafted this persona to surround himself so he didn’t have to show who he really was at any given moment.

Of course, Kankri would never tell anyone he spends this much time contemplating Cronus’s inner psychology. That might come with unintended consequences including ridicule and possibly being ignored by Cronus, which would completely inhibit his ability to properly contemplate him.

So, rather than talking about it, he just thinks about it.

The topic is practically impossible to avoid thinking about when, one day, after a particularly harsh berating from Meenah, Cronus is nowhere to be found for hours afterward. The details of the conversation are blurry -- Kankri had been sitting a ways away speaking with Mituna about refraining from using violent, possibly triggering swear words -- but he remembers hearing Cronus get verbally run over several times.

Now he finds himself cautiously walking up to Cronus’s hive, watching to make sure no one else is watching him. He feels guilty about being precautious, but the truth is that no one else ever gives Cronus any thought other than to be resentful. So if he were caught approaching his hive with no discernible reason, it could be taken to mean something he’d rather no one consider.

A knock at the door gets him no answer, regardless of the fact that Kankri had seen him go in here just a couple hours ago. Also, he had checked everywhere else before he had come here so he knows he’s here. It’s just a matter of whether Cronus is willing to put up with anyone right now or not. The answer seems to be no, but that doesn’t stop him.

He opens the door, not surprised to find that it isn’t locked, and takes a quick glance around. The hive is a bit messy, but nothing that could be considered out of the norm. The only thing that’s actually suspicious is that all the lights are off. After a few more steps in, Kankri realizes he can hear something from the other room, he just doesn’t know what it is until he takes another few steps closer. It almost sounds like crying, but he knows better than to assume Cronus is crying. After all, he’s never seen Cronus cry in his life. (Or, afterlife in this case.)

After taking a moment to maneuver around the house, Kankri finally finds the room the noise is coming from. Without knocking, because he figures he’s beyond that at this point, he opens the door and steps in. He’s immediately faced with the sight of Cronus sitting on the floor with his knees brought up to his chest and his head in his hands. When Kankri had just walked in, Cronus’s shoulders had been shaking with sobs, but now that someone else is in the room, he’s deathly still and his entire body is tense. He doesn’t look up to see who it is, and Kankri isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Carefully, and now filled with an immense pity for the sea troll, Kankri approaches him and kneels down in front of him. Now Cronus does look up and his face is a show of shiny purple tears and puffy eyes. Kankri moves his hand to place it on Cronus’s shoulder and the other troll flinches back toward the wall. Kankri freezes and takes in the sudden fear in Cronus’s expression. He sighs and withdraws his hand.

“Cronus,” Kankri says, voice lowered to an uncharacteristic whisper. Cronus look up to meet his eyes, then turns his gaze back down to his knees. He looks like he’s going to recede back into his cocoon, but he doesn’t.

“Sorry,” he says instead. Kankri is about to reassure him and say he has nothing to be sorry for, but Cronus keeps talking, hands fisting tighter in the hair at the sides of his head. “ ‘m sorry, I’ll be good in a minute, even be out and about if you want me to, just gonna take a minute, I swear-”

“Cronus,” Kankri repeats in a finalizing tone this time. He can’t let Cronus go on talking like that, it breaks his heart. “I’m not here to bring you back outside. Actually, seeing the state you’re in, that would be the worst thing I could possibly do for you.”

Cronus flinches again at the acknowledgment of his emotional state and hunches his shoulders inward, presumably to make himself seem smaller. Kankri notices another couple of tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. In a swift movement that makes Cronus blink and look up, eyes sharp and scared, Kankri places his hand on his shoulder. He can’t stand watching Cronus shut himself off to the world after having seen just how much he’s hurting.

Kankri had never taken time to actually contemplate the pain Cronus could be in, not that it was ever easy to see. He had always caught himself thinking about what the real Cronus was like underneath all of those layers he protected himself with, but it never crossed his mind to consider what kind of damage years of hiding your real self could create. It was probably unbearably hard, now that he thinks about it.

At some point in the past, Cronus had been himself, Kankri recalls. He was happy and his smile seemed genuine back then. At some point down the line, the group had chosen him as a subject to their teasing. Kankri had played along with it at first, using him as a bad example in his daily lectures on privilege and triggers. He doesn’t know when it had gotten out of hand, but he does know he had never stopped and tried to fix it, despite all of his teachings on not bullying and treating people equally. Cronus became the center of ridicule within their group of friends. That is, when they paid attention to him at all.

“Hey,” Kankri finally says, realizing he’s been sitting there with his hand on Cronus’s shoulder for a moment too long when Cronus looks up at him. “Why don’t you get out of this corner, alright? This feels much too confrontational for my taste.” He stands up and offers his hand for Cronus to take.

Cronus doesn’t take it and, instead, pushes himself up on his own, unsteady on his feet. He places a hand on the wall to keep himself up and takes a breath, concerningly calm. Kankri frowns and steps back to give him some space. “How about we take a seat on your bed.” Cronus doesn’t say anything back but does move toward his bed. That’s a step in the right direction, Kankri supposes.

The two sit down a healthy three feet apart on Cronus’s purple-clad water bed. An awkward silence fills the room and Kankri can’t find the words to break it, though he wishes he could. He’s incredibly relieved when Cronus does it first though he wishes it were with a different topic.

“Why are you here?” Cronus’s voice is almost back to its normal guarded tone and Kankri can’t stand it.

“Because you disappeared. You’re usually around when I look for you, I was getting worried,” Kankri answers, glancing over in time to see Cronus look up in surprise. “I heard the disagreement you had with Meenah before you left. She was being much too harsh with you. Is that why you’re crying?”

“I’m not crying,” Cronus replies defensively.

“But you were,” Kankri says gently. He doesn’t look away from Cronus, afraid that he’ll miss some shift in his expression that could mean something more than his words do. A twitch of his lips is all that he gets. 

“Do me a favor and don’t tell anyone, yeah?” Cronus requests, turning his wet eyes to look at Kankri. He softens as he adds, “please.”

Kankri frowns again and sighs. “Of course, Cronus, but would you at least tell me what’s wrong? Like I said before, I am very worried and this isn’t making things any better.”

Cronus looks away again and Kankri feels something akin to panic. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Cronus is gazing down at his lap now, hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt. 

“That,” Kankri replies as if the answer is sufficient. Then he elaborates, “you do this thing where you shut down and basically ignore everything going on around you! You can’t do that every time someone tries to care for you.”

“Not like that’s happened very many times before,” Cronus mutters bitterly, then takes a breath and looks up without giving Kankri much room to speak before he does again. “Look, I appreciate your concern or whatever you wanna call this, but I’m not interested.”

Kankri narrows his eyes. “Cronus, this is not some opportunity for you to play the victim card.”

“I ain’t playin’ no victim card here, Kan!” Cronus snaps. “I don’t want you to pretend you care about me just so you can punch it into your good deed of the day calendar. I’m not fuckin’ interested in your fake niceties and I sure as hell ain’t believin’ for one second that you mean any of this goodwill toward me.”

Kankri goes silent, his hand fisting in the sheet next to his leg. Of course Cronus would think all of this is for some malicious scheme of his. He hasn’t given him a reason to think otherwise, what with his playing along to the game the others created. No, he helped create it, and he hates that he did because seeing what it’s done to Cronus is heartbreaking. 

“Nothin’ to say? Guess it’s true then.” Cronus goes to stand up but Kankri reaches out and grabs him by the arm. Cronus snaps his head around when he’s grabbed and Kankri is reminded of the fact that he is still mentally unstable right now.

“Cronus, wait,” Kankri insists. He doesn’t know where to go from here, but he can’t just leave Cronus alone like this. He’s fragile and in need and. From what Kankir has heard, he hasn’t been doing very well for a very long time. “I know I have been a horrendous friend, so let me start being better now. As of right now, I am no longer going to be a terrible friend to you.” His voice softens and he gazes up at Cronus with caring eyes. “Please.”

Cronus stares at him for a long moment, then begrudgingly sits back down on the bed. Kankri sighs a breath of relief and lets the silence stretch on for a couple of minutes. Once he’s gathered up the courage, he moves closer to Cronus and awkwardly wraps his arms around his shoulders.

“What the hell are you doing?” Cronus asks, going stiff under Kankri’s hold.

“Under any normal circumstance, I wouldn’t even think of engaging in contact such as this, but,” Kankri trails off for a moment, then picks back up. “I’ve heard it’s comforting and you seem to need that the most right now. Please tell me if you would like me to stop and I will do so immediately. I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable with anything I’m doing, especially since this is a very hard time for you. Not that I’m assuming to know what you are going through at the moment, but-”

“Kan,” Cronus interrupts him. “Shut up and lemme enjoy this, yeah?”

Kankri smiles as Cronus shifts to place one arm around him in return. This is something he isn’t very used to, so he isn’t even sure if he’s doing it right. The two sit like that for a long while, silent. Kankri isn’t sure if Cronus is comfortable, but he hasn’t made any attempt to move yet, so he assumes everything is okay.

Listening to Cronus breathe is eye-opening. It’s like Kankri is hearing him as a real, living (well, not really) being for the first time in forever. It’s a step in the right direction, he thinks. Now the only thing he has to do is convince the others of this as well and perhaps get them to treat him like a troll instead of a punching bag.

“Thanks,” Cronus speaks into the otherwise silent room.

“You deserve it,” Kankri replies.


End file.
